35 Comments
User's avatar
Lynne Mizera's avatar

Thank you for this beautifully written post, it especially resonated with me when you wrote” what if it doesn’t have to be perfect? What if it can be heartfelt? An expression of love?”

I have been struggling with several paintings for which my inner critic’s voice is very loud and these words really spoke to me.

I am so sorry for your loss and for the grief that you are feeling, but I wanted to reach out and let you know that sharing your journey has helped me through some of my own grief.

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

I’m so glad my words offered some comfort to you in your own grief, and maybe even helped loosen the hold of your inner critic. I hope you’re able to move forward with those stuck paintings! xx

Expand full comment
Danica Murillo's avatar

Sending you lots of love. Losing our fur babies is so hard. I lost my last one almost a year ago, and while there have been many life changes since then, I still feel them close to me still. Your Loki will definitely be with you once you pick up your paints again. Until then, keep doing what you are doing…grieving, loving, and living.

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

It’s a comfort, in a way, to know that our fur babies will always be close to us. I sometimes feel his presence so strongly, and miss him so fiercely. It’s a comfort to know that the feeling eases with time.

Expand full comment
The Tarot Doc's avatar

I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful tribute. I will hug my fur babies extra tight 🫶🏼

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

🫶🫶

Expand full comment
Helen's avatar

I feel the best Art happens when we stop trying to 'produce' something, and instead, just express something....sometimes it can be a whole page of a single colour, if that is the colour you feel inside. Paint with your heart, and anything that happens will feel right, and be true. Sincere condolences for your sadness. Looking loved your shelves, it's plain to see 🥰💝🫂🐈

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

That is true! And that is how I paint, generally. Intuitively, based on how I’m feeling in the moment. Thank you for the reminder. xx

Expand full comment
Lisa Andruszkow's avatar

I'm so sorry about Loki. Sending you much love and gentle hugs.

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

Thank you. xx

Expand full comment
Judy Noddin's avatar

Hi Shinjini,

Thank you for this beautiful tribute to your dear Loki. My heart aches for you--I know how painful it is to lose a beloved furry companion. I appreciate your courage in sharing your feelings and experience with us. It gives me permission and courage to grieve my losses as well.

Sending you a big virtual hug and wishing you some comfort in your memories of Loki.

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

Sending you hugs and comfort in your grief. xx

Expand full comment
Donn Dobkin's avatar

Even if we think we are ready, it's just never easy. Never. I feel for you.

If there's one thing I can mention about painting him, it's this. Picasso painted a representation of the same thing, based on Diego Velázquez's masterpiece, "Las Meninas". 45 times directly. Most, if not all of those paintings, were made in succession, one after another, day after day.

So no, you don't need to get it "right", and you also can paint as many as suits you, for all the ways you remember him. Or even, several times representing the same way. Whatever works for you.

I hope you can soon remember him fondly and merely feel warmth about it, after the right amount of grieving.

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

Thank you, Donn, for sharing that nugget about Picasso. It wasn’t something I knew, and I appreciate it, and the permission it gives me to paint multiple pieces as I remember my sweet boy.

Expand full comment
Donn Dobkin's avatar

That’s what I hoped for, and I’m glad for you ❤️

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

Thank you. That is very kind. ♥️

Expand full comment
Susan Catanese Hamilton's avatar

I'm so very sorry for your loss of dear sweet Loki. He was so beautiful. When some little thing falls off your newly decorated bookshelf, you will know he is still there with you, cheering you on to paint again as you always did with him as your muse. He is still there, waiting for you to create again. Peace to you.

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

He was a beautiful, majestic cat. Thank you for this, though I hope he doesn’t drop any of the breakables! 😂 We have found the odd book on the floor, with no explanation for how it could have got there, and immediately thought of Loki, that he was here, trying to tell us he’s alright.

Expand full comment
Kathryn Vercillo's avatar

I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing our furry loved ones is always such a difficult experience of grief.

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

Yes. Even though we knew it was coming, it was so much harder than we thought it would be…

Expand full comment
Kathryn Vercillo's avatar

Big hugs. I really do completely understand.

Expand full comment
Lila Diller's avatar

I'm sorry for your loss! I lost my kitty last year, so I know how you feel. I'm glad that you still have Simba and that he seems to be doing well without Loki.

You're right that creativity has ebbs and flows. Art journaling isn't the only way to use our creative juices -- that's something I've had to remind myself of lately. It's there for me, not me for it. When I need it, it will be there as a friend to comfort me. But maybe today I need something else. And that's okay.

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

That’s such a lovely way to look at it, thank you, Lisa! It’s there for me when I need it…yes!!

Expand full comment
Linda Scull's avatar

Oh My Darling I love you so so much and yes honoring your fur baby thank you so much for this I have faced this two times before and unfortunately it will be happening again soon we love hard and fast and because of this I love you more than I did before 🐈

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

I’m so sorry that your furry baby is unwell. Sending you and your fur baby so much comfort and a warm hug. xx

Expand full comment
Cathy Maher's avatar

Hello, I am so sorry to hear about Loki’s passing. Thank you for sharing. This week my dog Odie passed away. He has been battling some form of cancer or metabolic issue for the last year or so. He was 15 years old, part greyhound and Great Dane. I have an 8 yr old pit bull mix named Patches. She and Odie were buddies until he began getting ill. She seems to be ok, but definitely more quiet and not as active. I find myself in tears on and off each day. Part of this year was caring for him as a senior dog - helping him up and down stairs or going outdoors all times of the day and night. I also find myself not as focused on art at the moment. I was hoping Odie would be able to come to our new home which will be on my son’s farm in a few months. He loved being outdoors in the sun or running in the grass when he was well. I am going to find some way of honoring his presence when we move.

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

I am so sorry to bear about Odie. It’s not easy, losing our fur babies. They have such a special piece of our hearts, don’t they? I hope Patches is doing well, and perks up in time. Having a spot to honour Odie in your new house will be a comfort to you, I think. Sending you a warm hug and comfort as you grieve your loss. xx

Expand full comment
Simple Witchery™'s avatar

Offering deepest condolences for your loss. These creatures we adopt as pets, become our constant, always there when we need them. Their antics add to the joy of our days. Their personalities are as indivual as the color and pattern of their fur. They become more than companioins; they are truly family. Your memoires of Loki come with grief for now, but they will turn to gentle reminders of the love you shared. Give Simba an extra pat from me (he is grieving too). <3

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

They are indeed family! Loki’s loss has felt almost like losing a child. Simba’s been getting a lot of cuddles and pampering. Good thing he’s a little love boat who loves being hugged and pampered!

Expand full comment
Mary Anne Shew's avatar

I'm so sorry for your loss of Loki. What a love he was! Our fur babies wrap themselves around our bodies and souls, and they leave such big holes in us when they go over the Rainbow Bridge. Your grief is also a symbol of how much Loki loved you, of how much you meant to him. By the way, you can search Etsy.com for "ginger cat figurine." Perhaps you'll find one that speaks to you there.

Thirteen years ago this weekend, we lost both of our beloved kitties, Casey and Samantha, to different illnesses. We knew about Casey's, but Samantha's was a surprise. The grief was so hard. Our house was so empty.

About three weeks later we became the staff of one-year-old mama kitty, Emma, and the last 2 of her babies, Cody and Sophie, who hadn't yet been adopted. They're our third set of cats, holding their own as they age. They rule us and our house, and we wouldn't have it any other way.

I hope the love of family and friends brings you comfort and your memories bring you peace. And thank you for sharing your journey.

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

I didn’t think of looking on Etsy, thanks for mentioning that! I can feel your grief, still, for Casey and Samantha. It gets easier with time, I think, but I don’t think it ever goes away. Adopting new fur babies does help though. We adopted Loki & Simba 12 years ago, after we lost our first cat, Pepo. We still remember her fondly, though she was with us for a relatively short time…

Expand full comment
Mika's avatar

Thank you for sharing photos of your gorgeous family member. I hope that writing about Loki was helpful. We all move through our grief differently and it sounds like you are allowing the space and time to let all the feelings come and go, and come and go again. Hugs to you and Simba. xx

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

Writing about him did help. It usually does, for me. I find writing quite cathartic, along with art. But since I can’t quite seem to return to the painty table just yet, I’m thankful that I can process my feelings through words.

Expand full comment
Janne's avatar

Could you paint with your fingers-finger painting? I love the idea of just an expression of love. He knows how much you love whether you paint or sleep. Grief is its own journey.

Expand full comment
Shinjini's avatar

That’s true. Grief takes as long as it takes…

Expand full comment