Confronting the fear monsters

Some thoughts on trusting the process and navigating the fear of starting new things

Trust can be quite a loaded word, I think. Especially at a time when you are contemplating a big change, something that feels especially significant. There’s the excitement of dreaming and planning, yes, but there’s also fear, so much fear!

At such times, there’s a need to trust the process with a simultaneous inability to trust it.

Through this time of contemplating and planning for some rather big changes, I’ve been faced with the fear monster at every turn. I have that buzz of excitement, jotting down plans and ideas in a journal dedicated to this particular life change that I’m working towards. And alongside it, I’m confronting my fear monsters in my almost-daily journal.

As I look back at my journal entries, I can see that I’ve been riding an emotional roller-coaster these last few of months — from the heights of thrill to the depths of fear and despair. I’m convinced that the bold move I want to make will be the undoing of me. That I will be singularly unable to create what my heart is longing for. That the moment I take a step towards my dream, my life is going to come crashing down around me like a house of cards.

As I grapple with these fear monsters, I’ve been mothering myself on the page. In my journals — both art and written.

I can see this dream that I am working towards gathering pace. I’ve been collecting the resources I think I will need for this stage of the journey, but I’ve been too afraid to actually put all of them into practice. My mind is already giving me excuses for why I cannot do that thing. Or why this change will never work.

I’ve been afraid to allow myself to believe that I can get what my heart is longing for. My mind would have me believe that this dream is for others. “It’s for the special ones. The lucky ones. And you’re neither special nor lucky,” the fear monsters whisper.

But I know this is crazy. I know it isn’t true. And in my calmer moments, I’m reasonably sure that I can actually make this work.

Because while I am wanting to make a significant life change, what I need to make that change possible is rather modest and I already have a number of pieces in place.

What I need, really, is to hold myself through the fear.

To remind myself to take one step after another. To notice as things slowly start to gain momentum. To know that the fear will slowly subside.

That is also my wish for you.

May we find a way to trust even in the dark places.

May we focus on simply taking the next step.

May we mother our tender selves at every step of the way.

May we continue onwards even when we doubt ourselves (because you can bet that doubt will raise its head).

May we notice when we start to gain momentum.

May we keep on gathering pace.

And so it is. For you. And for me.

How do you manage your fear monsters? Share your tips with me, please! Let’s chat in the comments, or simply reply to this e-mail and let’s chat there!